Vivec

"I can safely say that Vivec is the most realized character in videogame fiction. Period." - Michael Kirkbride
''Vivec, A.K.A. "ChimBoy" is the main god of the TES series, and a beloved character of Morrowind. It is said that he whispers to Todd Howard in his sleep, constantly tormenting him over the the murder of past RPG mechanics in the latest TES games. Whether or not he visits Lawrence Schick in the night is unknown however, as his nighttime rituals of breaking TES lore have admittedly scared away Vivec from trying anything.. Muatra... For now...''

WHY IS HE TWO COLOURS?
''Excellent question. ''

''Before the Dunmer were turned into ash-sucking grey-skinned losers, their skin was the colour of Swedish hair, and they were known as the CHIMer. After a prankster known as Azura put the edgy skin curse on the CHIMer lads, Vivec took pity and made half of his face a virgin, making him more relatable and "hip" with the cool kids.''

SO WHAT IS CHIM?
CHIM is everything: 

When you see Almalexia walking down Mournholds streets lookin' fly, you have CHIM'd.

When you turn the page of the Morrowind manual for "gifted Bosmer", you have CHIM'd.

When you screech at a person for enjoying Skyrim, you have double-CHIM'd.

''Basically, through somewhat kooky (and kinky) means, you can transcend space and time and achieve CHIM, transforming you into a God. Congratulations.''

Whether or not there is free real estate up there in "metaphysics land" is unknown to us petty mortals trying to seriously undertake this magnificent ascension, but rest assured, daddy Vivec is always watching you try.

Always...

Watching...